Whoo hoo, I’m gonna be rich

No more worries about the economy, college tuition for the kids, or a vehicle that makes funny noises every now and then! I’ve recently been handed an opportunity to receive 15 percent of $85 million dollars. All I have to do is call some guy in Belgium and he’ll hook me up!

Hmmm…does this sound fishy to anyone?

OK, I have to wonder how many takers these guys get when they send out these blanket emails. How can I take the email seriously when it tells me the author of the letter got my contact information “from the yellow book encyclopedia after due consideration believing you are highly respected personality.”

The message is from Mr. Rainer Kruesi, signed and everything. He has an incredibly long job title. He has solicited my strictest confidence in this transaction, so please, people, let’s keep this to ourselves.

The secrecy is “by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and TOP SECRET with great magnitude involving a pending transaction requiring maximum confidence.”

The author then assures me he has confidence in my ability and reliability to prosecute the entire transaction. Personally, the only thing I feel the need to prosecute is his grammar. I’m driving the autogrammar check thingy nuts by quoting this letter. I can feel it getting more upset by the minute and am slightly concerned about its health. Can computer programs have anxiety attacks?

So, Mr. Kruesi said he works for an oil corporation, but after being handed an $85 million payment, his boss was arrested for tax evasion and tax-related charges and is now languishing away in prison. I’m kind of confused at this point where the bossman is languishing, because the Belgian guy claims the oil company involved is the “Russian Most Largest.”

There is a bit of intrigue afoot, because Kruesi states “a wide variety of international journalists consider the process (I’m assuming he means the arrest) politically motivated.
“Therefore, on receipt of your immediate response, we shall discuss the compulsory modalities.”


This is making my head hurt, but here comes my favorite part:
“I consequently request your maximum assistance and approvals to facilitate the transfer of the above funds from where these huge funds were deposited. Upon confirmation of your readiness to execute this magnificent transaction with me, you will be urgently required to furnish your companies name and address, telephone and fax numbers, bank name and address and your bank account number.”

OK. No. 1, they just want every contact and bank number…no red flags there, right? No. 2, try reading that really fast three times in a row. It’s better than that old Peter Piper thing. No. 3, given his use of “huge” and “magnificent” and “maximum,” this paragraph reminds me vaguely of the Smiling Bob commercials.

“In conclusion, I guarantee that his operation will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect us from any breach of law.”

Well, there’s a relief.

The other great thing about this email is its use of the word oligarchs. It doesn’t come up much in casual conversation. I had to look it up.

All I really need to know now it how much is 15 percent of $85 million?

28 thoughts on “Whoo hoo, I’m gonna be rich

  1. Oh damn! I thought i hit my jackpot! Now i find out we all have to share this? unfair:-)

  2. I got one too, new scam by Mr Rainer Kruesi this time …
    funny how Haledon in London doesn’t even exist.. lots of great wording here … read on :)

    How are you today and your family? I hope fine, I am Mr.Rainer Kruesi [a Swiss Citizen] From Haledon, North West London, here in
    England. I work for Natwest Bank Corporation London. I am writing you from my office, that will be of an immense
    benefit to both of us. In my department, being the assistant manager (Greater London Regional Office, I discovered
    an abandoned sum of $12.5 million USA Dollars (Twelve million five hundred thousand Us Dollars) in an account that
    belongs to one of our foreign customer Late Mr. Thompson Morrison American citizen who unfortunately lost his life
    in the plane crash of Alaska Airlines Flight 261 which crashed on January 31 2000, including his wife and only

    The choice of contacting you is aroused from the geographical nature of where you live, particularly due to the
    senility of the transaction and the confidentiality herein. Now our bank has been waiting for any of the relatives
    to come-up for the claim but nobody has done that. I personally has been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for
    2 years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin/Will Beneficiary to the deceased so that the
    proceeds of this account valued at 12.5 Million Dollars can be paid to you.

    This will be disbursed or shared in these percentages, 60% to me and 40% to you. I have secured all necessary legal
    documents that can be used to back up this claim we are making. All if need is to fill-in your names to the
    documents and legalize it in the court here to prove you as the legitimate beneficiary. All I require now is your
    honest Co-operation, Confidentiality and Trust to enable us sees this transaction through. I guarantee you that
    this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.Please,
    provide me the following: as we have 7 days to run it through. This is very URGENT PLEASE.

    1. Full: Name
    2. Your: Telephone Number
    3. Your Contact Address.
    4. Age:
    5. Core Job/ Occupation:
    6. sex:

    Having gone through a methodical search, I decided to contact you hoping that you will find this proposal
    interesting. Please on your confirmation of this message and indicating your interest, I will furnish you with more
    information. Endeavor to let me know your decision rather than keep me waiting.

    Mr.Rainer Kruesi

  3. I got one too! He must be giving partial payments away because mine is only for $54,749,000. What happened to the other $30M?

  4. I got one too!Nigerian scams FAX 41-31-5604005

  5. We got the fax today too…Mr. Rainer Kruesi, Citizen of Switzerland and Investor Relations Contact & Financial Advisor to YUKOS OIL Corporation (Russian Most Largest Oil Corporation).

  6. Received the same fax moments ago. Oh, well…too bad…I was ready to go on a shopping spree! :-) On a serious note, I receive simular such scam notices on a fairly frequent basis. They are all basically the same: help us break the law by laundering money and you will be rewarded! If this was real (which it is not), all I could say (or anyone for that matter should say) is: NO THANK YOU.

  7. Got this fax this AM and pep me up a bit…

    Tempting that you wanna make this happen for real. Now back to reality… If it sounds too good to be true, unfortunately… Cheers!

  8. I just had $10,949,800 deposited into my bank account. Thanks to all of you for not following Mr. Kruesi’s instructions…

    just kidding…

  9. I got one at my place of work. Really!!! Any fool would know this is crap and we need to stop this shit!!

  10. Damn! I thought I was the only guy that Rainer Kruesi trusted. I was actually honored that he chose ME. Has anyone called the number given? I could sure use the 10+ million.

  11. I’ll teachyou guys a lesson. I’m going to tell him I’ll do it for 10% and kick him back the other 10%. 5 milliom is better than nothing. Since he trusts me enough to do this transaction, I’m sure he’ll trust enough to send him his cut.

  12. This is hallarious. I receive a new letter from this guy all the time. I am curious what happens when you call this number but I wont call it. Someone call and let me know what happens.

  13. Hey, I got ripped. I was offered a percentage of $57 million.

    I love the detail in the letters. Totally realistic. This guy knows what he’s talking about.

  14. Mr. Rainer must be spending all day at the fax machine. I just got mine an hour ago.

  15. I cant believe that you people are just so untrusting and judgemental of this poor lovely man when all he wants to do in life is to help you all and make you rich!… everyone knows that these sort of emails and faxes are real! I am yet to meet anyone online that has given out fake details… I am going to jump at the chance… me .. I’m going to be rich I tell you… RICH.. bwaaaaa haaaa haaaaa (then I am going to jump in my space rocket and sell the Sydney Opera House to a bunch of Japanese tourists!

  16. This is now in Hobart, Tasmania, Australia. Got mine via fax at work, we are all trust worthy in our office.Offering 20% entitlement of $54,749,000. Amazing it is still going around after a year.

  17. 9 months later and the intrigue continues! I found your blog post on Google after searching this man’s name. I work for a physical therapist and this came in through our fax. Just thought you might find it interesting that other people know exactly what you’re talking about! But maybe I should cash in…. this time it’s $54, 749,00 dollars…. and we get 20%….. CRAZYY!

  18. I got one faxed to me on the transfer of USD$54,749,000.00 from Mr. Rainer Kruesi, Citizen of Switzerland. He wanted my company name with address, telephone and fax numbers which he already have, bank name and address with bank account number.

    Anyway thank for your service helping people not to get scammed.

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