Vampires are bad

I don’t understand the vampire craze. How can something that sucks blood and kills be romantic? Is it because they are portrayed as handsome or beautiful? From what I have heard, Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer were supposedly quite good looking. And very deadly.

Maybe I’m just old and out of touch. I also don’t understand the whole “Goth” thing, either. Why anyone would go out of their way to look and act depressed and ghoulish is baffling.

So, I was reading today about Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, the self-proclaimed King of the Vampires. He apparently has run off with a 16-year-old girl, which may very well hamper his political campaign. The Impaler is running for governor of Minnesota. For the second time, actually. He ran in 2006.

Did you ever wonder if the Jesse Ventura years prompted all manners of crazy people to head for Minnesota and put their name on a ballot? Sharkey was also a wrestler, so maybe he assumed he’d fit right in.

Sharkey is 45 years old, but claims on his MySpace site to be 100. According to his other MySpace information, his favorite books include the Satanic Bible, books on vampyre history and any books on Vlad the Impaler. (Sorry, Stephenie Meyer, he didn’t list your Twilight series.) His music favorites include Kiss, Alice Cooper, Bruce Springsteen and Frank Sinatra. His heroes? Vlad, of course, Lucifer, Hecate, the Greek god Aries and JFK.

Does anyone else find the inclusion of JFK and Frank Sinatra a little odd, or is it just me? Apparently he also fancies himself a musician, as I found several photos on his MySpace page that are definately meant to be album covers.

His aspiration to be the governor is not the only political move he has ever made. He didn’t run for governor in 2008 because he was busy running for president of the United States. Same thing in 2004. He ran for Congress in New Jersey in 1999 as a Republican, in Indiana in 2000 for the Reform Party and in Florida in 2001 as a Republican.

During the last presidential election, Sharkey gave an interview which appears on the Web site Arabian Monkey. When asked what made him different from other candidates, he stated, “Though I am a Satanic Sanguinary Vampyre, Hecate Witch, Ordained Satanic Dark Priest and un-Christian, I am upfront and honest about who I am and what my plans are.”

He stated he feeds off human blood to give him power and maintain his youthful appearance. He gets the blood, he told the reporter, from women he is dating or married to and from other female donors. Oh, and he had his Vampyre awakening when he was 5 years old.

And now he is in hiding with a 16-year-old girl he is allegedly planning to marry.

An article in the Red Wing Republican Eagle states Paige Brewer, the teenager, slipped away with Sharkey sometime on Sunday from her grandmother’s house in Faribault. Since then, people claiming to be Sharkey and Brewer have been posting updates on a Twin Cities media blog. Well, that’s subtle and low-key.

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children issued an alert Tuesday after the teen ran away. Her blog apparently discusses plans for a wedding and for legal emancipation from her mother.

So, how did this young girl meet up with this nutcase? I’d be very interested in knowing that little bit of information.

In one of his campaign videos on YouTube, Sharkey claims he married an 18-year-old girl a couple of years ago. He also claims he has charisma, which is apparently what he thinks is needed to govern the state of Minnesota.

Brewer’s mother said she does not fear for her daughter’s safety, the Red Wing article states, but indicated a blog comment by the person claiming to be Sharkey made her fearful for her own life.

No offense to Brewer’s mother, but how in the world could she not fear for her daughter’s safety? They guy claims to drink blood! He claims to be a Satan-worshipping, dark magic practicing, king of the vampiring, bad people-impaling politician!

To tell the truth, I’m not sure which claim is the scariest. But I do know that having a bunch of young girls mooning over the romantic vampire is pretty bad, especially when some 45-year-old freak can claim himself as one and start luring teenagers in like fish.

6 thoughts on “Vampires are bad

  1. I keep telling you mom, the world doesn’t make sense. Looking back, now aren’t you glad that my little emo/goth whatever stopped where it did? 😛 Although… I AM starting to grow my facial hair faster… Maybe I’m a werewolf! 😀

  2. Dear Justine,
    If you continue to mock my vampyre ways and eternal love for underage girls, I will be forced to IMPALE you!
    Sharkey pantalones

  3. Bring it tough guy. You’ll soon realize you’re not as immortal as you thought.

  4. Hello,

    I am personally against the whole “Impaler” Incident. I believe that the community is based for adults and that Sharkey is nothing but a lunatic that needs to be locked away. Exploiting minors and those that arent exactly right in their minds arent the purpose of those in the community. I am not a Vampyre and will never be but I do classify myself as Otherkin. There are alot in the community that go into it due to the sexuality, glamour or physical appeal, or even for the clubbing portion of it all. Sadly enough the teens fall into this idea of being a vampyre because they like the taste of blood or because they feel drained and need to be around people and want to “Draw on their energy”. This could be depression and a need for socialization? The spirituality to Vampyrism is Dark yes and that is why I am drawn to it personally. I consider all the light fluffy religions out there 1 sided and always will.

    I fully agree that the allure of Vampyrism is dangerous to minors and that is why the community has “Rules” to avoid them and give them information to help guide them towards self learning and exploration not to involve them in any of the teachings or inner learnings of the community.

    As for(if you noticed) the “Turning” Paige into a Sanguine. Total bullshit. You cannot make a vamp and you cannot decide their nature or choice of feeding. If you have more questions feel free to check out all the resources that are available through legitimate community resources. There is are the pages on ning, The temples(for the most part), and many books by those considered spiritual thinkers and leaders within the community. If you personally have questions for me pertaining to my beliefs and pertaining to any of my opinions on the community and how it is run feel free.

    I am not a spokesperson for the community nor am I in any way shape or form a person of any substantial influence on it. I am just me and felt I should contribute to the post you made and point out that Sharkey “The Impaler” Needs to stop drawing attention to the community.

    Dark Blessings,
    Francis Crevatas
    A.K.A Taris

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