Rapture or clean house?

I can’t decide if I should continue working like crazy to get ready for the graduation party, or just sit around and wait for the rapture. Not that I plan on ascending to Heaven today. I’m a nice person and all, I’m just not rapture-ready.

I can’t help wonder what all the Harold Camping followers who wake up on Sunday are going to think. Are they going to blame themselves if they are still here? For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, Camping is an Oakland, Calif. minister who is telling all of his followers that Saturday is Judgment Day.

The 89-year-old Camping first declared that May 21, 2011, would be the end of the world nearly 15 years ago, shortly after his earlier 1994 Judgment Day prediction passed without incident. While this does not give him a great track record in the Armageddon department, he has caught a lot of people’s attention. My favorite tidbit of news came from a group of atheists in California who scheduled a 200-member meeting for the same day.

As I understand it, Saturday will begin like any other day, but at 6 p.m. in New Zealand, a “great earthquake will shake the island asunder, triggering an apocalypse that rolls relentlessly our way,” Camping stated.

“It will continue across the Earth at such a rate,” he said, “every Richter scale in the world and every news organization in the world will have no doubt – Judgment Day is here.”

Well, there you have it. If the Richter scales and the news organizations have no doubt, there can be no doubt at all. Sure, some people don’t trust the media, but since when has a Richter scale ever lied?

The island-ripping, apocalypse-triggering earthquake will supposedly reach San Francisco around 6 p.m., which means we’re looking at mass destruction and stuff like that around 8 p.m. here. Well, we should be done deep-frying all the turkeys for the party by then, so the timing will be OK.

Apparently, the saved Christian souls will ascend to heaven, including those dead and buried, while the rest of the schmucks will remain as “Earth falls into fiery chaos.”


I’m going to hedge my bets and finish getting ready for the party. Remember, Camping was wrong about this once before. And, if fiery chaos does ensue, at least my house will be clean and I’ll have stock-piled some good food, including a bunch of deep-fried turkey.

One thought on “Rapture or clean house?

  1. I love it! You’re headline caught my eye this morning…..I thought that the rapture was to begin last night, so I guess I will just have to continue waiting. Meanwhile, I will choose not to do anymore laundry. :-)

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